Defining the Unknown: Part Deux

The gospel way of life…

The gospel way of life is a life worth living even if there was no Jesus, no heaven, and no hell, simply because of the life, the matchless joy, and the fulfillment it offers.

The gospel way of life doesn’t just sprinkle a little Jesus on top and conform to the cultural habits that many believers have conformed to, but instead shows the world a different way to do life that stands in glaring contrast to that of dominant culture (Romans 12:1-2) - forming an alternative culture, just as Jesus and the early church did, that is not simply a counterculture reacting to the dominant culture, but an entirely new one who’s goal is equality. For if we aren’t people who are converts in the best sense of the word, who see conversion not as an event but a process marked by the renewing of our minds and imaginations, and the process of slowly tearing away from the clutches of the culture that are destroying us and our world, we have only believers, and believers are a dime-a-dozen nowadays. What the world needs are people who believe so much in another world that they cannot help but begin enacting now. (…Almost as if they read “Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven” not as some empty words that they supernaturally expect to come true, but words to enact)

The gospel way of life neither flows out of the prosperity gospel of health and wealth, or the poverty gospel, but out of the gospel of abundance rooted in a theology of enough. And after seeing countless rich people (ie. everyone of us.) so content in their riches that they forget they need God, and after witnessing plenty of poor people committing crimes out of economic necessity, I’m thinking we all ready for something new. Maybe you too will catch a glimpse of this way of living in Proverbs 30:8-9, which says, “Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the LORD?’” In this verse we hear a subtle echo of the Lord’s Prayer, in which we are taught to pray for “our day our daily bread”… not for me, but for all of us. This is also seems to be in tune with Exodus 16:16, which provides one of the first commandments given to our biblical ancestors (even before the big 10). It was to gather only as much as they needed for that day, as God rains down manna from the heavens and assures them that there will be enough. Yet they take more than they are told, so God sends maggots to destroy their stockpile. (…Maybe all we need is a few more maggots today)

The gospel way of life forever questions the sanity of our consumer culture because the Gospel offers a message that turns that social logic upside down (Matt 18:1-14) and calls us to become simple and elemental again. And because of which, is convinced that we are responsible for today’s imbalance and that God did not mess up and make too many people and not enough stuff. Poverty was created not by God, but by you and me, because we have not learned to stop talking about loving our neighbor as ourselves and actually do it – without limitations. (Leviticus 19:18) Gandhi puts it this way, “There is enough for everyone’s need, but there is not enough for everyone’s greed.”

The gospel way of life is about living simply and free of materialism, beginning with and rooted in a love for God and neighbor. Otherwise, we’re operating out of little more than legalistic, guilt-ridden self-righteousness. (However, even those who experiment in sharing may begin out of burden or guilt, but oftentimes soon find themselves being sustained by the matchless joy it brings and then operating out of totally different means). Simplicity is meaningful only inasmuch as it is grounded in love, authentic relationships, and interdependence. For as the scripture says, “If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere.” (1 Corinthians 13:3) Without these things (a love infection, authentic relationships, and interdependence) we can easily become enslaved to how simply we must live, just as we can be bound in how much stuff we need to buy, causing our simplicity to become nothing more than an ascetic denunciation of material things to attain personal piety.

The gospel way of life causes our lives to be set up in a way so that things won’t be alright if God doesn’t come through on his promise to provide because it embodies a reckless faith that is dependent on God like the lilies and the sparrows, constantly in need of the Lords providence - making the most room for the transcendent as possible by not worrying about missing out, or being preoccupied with getting, so that we can begin to respond to His giving. This vision of such a reckless faith is given to us in (Matthew 6:25-34) where we are told not even worry about food, the most basic need of life. Surely then we are not to be concerned with our clothes or any other image laden pursuits as this verse makes it painfully clear that there are to be no exceptions since no need is above food. It is when we live out this unconcerned recklessness, that we are truly free to be preoccupied with God affairs, “seeking first his kingdom and his righteousness”. (In the Hebrew the same word is used for righteousness and justice)

The gospel way of life does not see charity as a virtue, but only what is expected as followers of Christ. We have no right not to be charitable. And true generosity is measured not by how much one gives away but by how much one has left, especially when we look at the needs of our neighbors. One of the fathers of the church, Basil the Great, writing in the fourth century, put it this way: “When someone strips a man of his clothes, we call him a thief. And one who might clothe the naked and does not – should he be given the same name? The bread in your cupboard belongs to the hungry: the coat in your wardrobe belongs to the naked: the shoes you let rot belong to the barefoot: the money in your vaults belongs to the destitute.”

The gospel way of life doesn’t simply regard the saying, “if you have two coats, you’ve stolen one from the poor” or (Luke 3:11), where it is said, “Anyone who has two shirts should share with the one who has none” as a cute thought but a very fact of life and seeks every possible way to live it out.

The gospel way of life seeks to free itself from distant acts of charity (tithing, short term mission trips, tax-exempt donations, ect…), all of which accomplish some good, but they also have the tendency to function as an outlet that allows us to appease our consciences and still remain a safe distance from poverty. So all though these ways leave both the rich feeling good and the poor fed and clothed, no one leaves transformed. Maybe that’s partly why Jesus didn’t seek acts of charity. Instead he sought concrete acts of love: “you visited me when I was sick and in prison…you welcomed me into your home…you fed me and gave me something to drink…you clothed me” (Matt 25:31-46). Jesus doesn’t ask us to give a check to a charity to feed and clothe and comfort others, he commands us to do it. (Maybe that’s because he is trying to keep us from falling into apathetic lifestyles that rob us from truly experiencing God’s grace and love.) Yet we don’t, because it is much more comfortable to write a check and depersonalize the poor, than to truly encountering the poor and truly feel responsible for the great imbalance and catastrophic human failure to do something about it that results in people sleeping on the streets while others have spare rooms. The modern day separation of faith and action has to be exposed and more importantly, it’s got to be mended. For as it says in James, “a person is made right with God not by a barren faith but by faith fruitful in works”, and “The very moment you separate body and spirit, you end up with a corpse. Separate faith and works and you get the same thing: a corpse.” (James 2:14-25)

The gospel way of life truly believes, as the apostle Paul figured out, that we no longer live, but only Jesus lives in us. (Gal 2:20) That means nothing I do is of me, it’s all of Him. And that nothing I have is mine, it’s all His.

The gospel way of life is about living with less so that we can give more. The Scriptures say that we can’t worship both God and money because “Loving one god, you’ll end up hating the other. Adoration for one feeds contempt for the other.” (Matt 6:24) Recognizing how often every person I know rarely, if ever, truly despises money, then it is surely a problem of our own. And if Jesus told one righteous man who’s problem was his attachment to wealth that “the one thing” he lacked was to “sell everything” and give to the poor (Mark 10:17-31), then why doesn’t that apply to us?

The gospel way of life doesn’t brush off (Matt 25: 31-46) as if it is anything less than a matter of salvation. (…The Scriptures seem to make it clear that it is.) Here Jesus tells us that ultimately we will be separated into two groups of people, sheep and goats, and the criteria will be how we cared for the poor, and not just the spiritually poor, but those who are hungry, imprisoned and naked. We have to stop passing texts like this and “contextualizing” them to show that we just need to be careful that our money doesn’t become an idol. Jesus doesn’t say, “Hey! Let’s be better stewards here guys!”. He says to give up everything we own and give to the poor. (Mark 10:21, Luke 18:22)

The gospel way of life is about storing treasures in heaven (Matt 6:19), recognizing that it is only an inheritance of the kingdom that is of true worth. It’s about living as if Jesus were coming back today, taking Him to his words in the parable of the rich fool (Luke 12:13-21) where Jesus compares himself to a thief who is coming back soon and when least expected. And tells us to live with nothing stored up, giving it all away, because it will be of no value and have been wasted, having served no purpose in furthering his kingdom on earth when he returns and all physical things are no more. Jesus came and broke the legalism of tithing, and because of love turned the question, “how much must I give?” on its head into, “how much must I keep?”

The gospel way of life takes Jesus up on his invitation into a journey of downward mobility (Matt 18: 3-5), to be the least by identifying with and joining those at bottom - the outcasts and the undesirables, just as Jesus did. People found this kind of compassion and love magnetic in the days of Jesus and I refuse to believe that has changed for today. Maybe that’s because this kind of selfless love resonates at the core of our being. Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that no matter how much we have, deep down we’re all poor and lonely – even those “who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly” (Romans 8:23).


The gospel way of life embodies God’s image of interdependence and sacrificial sharing, rather than independence and materialism. Survival with this kind of faith demands it. And I mean, who really wants to settle for a life of independence when we could experience the fullness of life in a sacrificially interdependent community? The more I experience community like this the more sense it makes and the simpler and more natural it feels. I wonder if the reason for that lies in the fact that we were made for community. In essence, the whole biblical story is one of community. Yet all this can’t be said without acknowledging that true community is not easy - “for everything in this world tried to pull us away from community, pushes us to choose ourselves over others, and to choose independence over interdependence.” (Shane Claiborne)

The gospel way of life does not wait around for God’s special plan, but goes to find where God is at work and join in.

The gospel way of life believes that the best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them away.

The gospel way of life is all about doing even greater works that Jesus himself. (John 14:12) “Very truly I tell you, all who have faith in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the father.” (…Como say what?!)

And Above all, the gospel way of life isn’t about doing to be transformed; it’s about falling in love with God and being transformed through that, making it impossible not to live this way.

*****

So yeah… chew on that. Obviously these descriptions combined don’t come anywhere close to answer the question of what it looks like to be wholly surrendered to God (it isn‘t suppose to), they represent a few important pieces of the puzzle that we seem to have missed. Hopefully you are beginning to imagine and pray and consider looking further into the Scriptures and come to realize that this way of life seems to permeate them, and so that you may come to make sense of all these thoughts and begin to figure out how to react. Peace and love amigos! I leave you with this…



"I can't stand your religious meetings. I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions. I want nothing to do with your religion projects, your pretentious slogans and goals. I'm sick of your fund-raising schemes, your public relations and image making. I've had all I can take of your noisy ego-music. When was the last time you sang to me? Do you know what I want? I want justice - oceans of it. I want fairness - rivers of it. That's what I want. That's all I want.” Amos 5:21-24

Defining the Unknown, Part 1

Before you even begin the undertaking of reading this massive thing, it's got to be said that even though I wrote this, all credit goes to Shane Claiborne and Joel Houston (among many others) for the language and the ideas to make it happen. enjoy!

I’m writing this because I feel like I’m trying to define the unknown and it’s not making the least bit of sense in my head. Since coming to California, in numerous ways through completely different mediums: a few books , several speakers, a friend who just so happens to be going through similar experiences, two documentaries, music, and a popular film - I’ve been exposed to the “gospel way of life” that’s turning everything I hope for, value and believe in upside down. In fact, it’s messed my soul up so badly that I am daily putting it off and choosing to be apathetic, bringing me to the place I am now – nothing less than a complete dirtball and feeling so far from God’s heart - and it’s all because part of me is crapping it’s pants in resistance to the sacrifices and all else to come should I fully allow the message I’ve received to take its toll on me. So from these words, I hope to put a face I can understand on what this new faith and lifestyle I’m feeling the need to embody really looks like, and to collect for myself every reason why I want this because I’ve realized it’s going to take everything to tear me from the current way I navigate life because my pride, my need to be valued and accepted by others, my self- indulgence fed by a culture of consumerism, and my lack of faith are all keeping me going with the flow of society, rather than getting out and stepping off the edge of the here and now.

Tozer puts it this way and right now my heart couldn’t agree more, "The roots of our hearts have grown down into things, and we dare not pull up on rootlet lest we die. Things have become necessary to us, a development never originally intended. God's gifts now take the place of God, and the whole course of nature is upset by the monstrous substitution".

Early on after I began to take the cause of Jesus seriously, I started to wonder if maybe at the core of nearly all Christian conversation lies the question of what this “relationship” with Jesus really looks like - here and now. With a peculiarly relentless desire to grow in God wisdom, so that I might even begin to grasp an answer to this overwhelming question, I started reading countless books and essays by Christian writers, listening to who knows how many sermons and podcasts, and taking part in oh so many conversations. And for the longest time, I must honestly say that I really thought I got it. Not like I had what it means to be a follower of Christ completely figured out (it seems to me like that’s an answer will forever be in constant pursuit of as we discover and re-discover deeper understandings of God and his love, forcing us to change and act accordingly), but more like I thought I understood the core of what this is all about. But now I’m questioning if I have entirely missed the point... Like there's a whole lot more to truly following Jesus that we choose to ignore.

I now recognize that my approach to the question of how Christians live was all too focused on me. I was entirely (key word here. I don’t mean to devalue the importance of these things) focused on my spirituality, and experiencing God and allowing Him to transform me back to the pure and holy being I was created to be. I was only preoccupied with the redeeming of souls from their sins that they might exit “the system”, and I was completely satisfied in this. And why shouldn’t I have been? I mean I was falling in love with and intimately interacting with the Creator of it all. That’s mind blowing in itself. And I could articulate it in the most compelling and attractive ways, and because of that, God was moving through me to bring revolution to the lives of others. But exactly what was I offering them other than an emotionally charged, spiritual Christianity and the idea of being used by God to see others rise up from “the system” and join in? I think Shane Claiborne articulates it best when he says that preachers were telling him to lay his life and sins at the foot of the cross and weren’t giving him anything to pick up. Like we are well aware of all the “don’t do’s”, but what about the “do’s”? The more I read the gospel’s, the more obvious it’s becoming that the true way of Jesus does offer something to pick up at the foot of the cross and I think it’s rooted in a cause driven faith that has as much to say about this world as it does the next. (More on this in Part 2)

So after two incredibly difficult yet unbelievable years, the fiery newness of this Christianity I’ve come to know is slowly dying out and beginning to taste stale. In turn, I’m experiencing a growing discomfort, arising from a longing for something more than the things I’ve been told to pursue. (Maybe there is truth to that saying “God comforts the disturbed and disturbs the comfortable” after all.) So maybe you’ve caught my general drift by now, but I’ve come to believe that we are no longer truly living out the Gospel of Jesus. And it's not because we don't earnestly desire to follow Jesus, but very much because our execution of that desire has become terribly distorted as we are found in our lifestyles of comfortable over-abundance, as we are bound up in the materialism of our culture which I believe stands in complete opposition to the lifestyle that Jesus as called us to. So stop here if you want, because I hope to back the clarity of this “gospel way of life” that Jesus has invited us into through the Scriptures, exposing the modern separation of our faith and action, by which you and I will be held accountable for because we will be judged according to our understanding of God’s purposes for us (Luke 12) - and amigo, this is certainly it.

******

The matter is quite simple. The Bible is very easy to understand. But we Christians are a bunch of scheming swindlers. We pretend to be unable to understand it because we know very well that the minute we understand, we are obliged to act accordingly. Take any words in the New Testament and forget everything except pledging yourself to act accordingly. My God, you will say, if I do that my whole life will be ruined. How would I ever get on in the world? … Dreadful it is to fall in the hands of the living God. Yes, it is even dreadful to be alone with the New Testament. –Soren Kierkegaard

Over and over in the scriptures, Jesus warns people of the cost of discipleship, that it will cost them everything they have ever hoped for or believed in – their families, their possessions, and their very lives. I mean the entire life of Jesus was marked by uncomfortable sacrifice. So we constantly talk and sing about sacrificing our lives, surrendering self, and becoming transformed into His likeness - that is as long as were still comfortable, and safe. We can admire and worship Jesus without doing what he did. We can applaud what he preached and stood for without caring about the same things. We can adore his cross without taking up ours. But if we do, are we really Christians? Are we really following Christ?

Collectively, the descriptions to follow don’t come anywhere close to answering the question of what the gospel way of life looks like. But I think they do represent a few important pieces to the puzzle. From which, hopefully you might join me in beginning to imagine and pray about what this looks like in your own life – because we are all going to respond differently… And that’s the freaking beauty of it!

*****

So we’ve been “born again” (as the evangelic jargon goes) into the dysfunctional family of Yahweh, marked by an incredible imbalance. And I can only imagine how this imbalance must break God’s heart (and maybe upset Him ... just a tiny little bit... ok I can only imagine it outright pisses him off). We've got to begin to grip with this great imbalance – the very fact that right now…

In this very moment.

Things aren’t right.

It’s not right that our generation is sitting around watching reality television, which to be honest is anything but real, while we have children being prostituted behind closed doors… robbed of their innocence. It’s not right that we can go on consuming every material option that comes our way, while the widow and orphan are stripped of life’s simple dignities because they are a victim of a conflict that simply isn’t theirs. It’s not fair that there’s a generation choking on their obesity, while at the same time there are 30,000 children who will die today because of lack of food. It’s not right that we have no problem spending three or four dollars on what is basically nothing more than glorified tap water while one life comes to end every fifteen seconds and entire communities suffer at the hands of disease because the only water they have access to is foul and polluted. It’s not fair that we can jump around and sing in our freedom, while the slave remains captive and hidden out of sight. It’s not right that we can turn on the evening news and see those affected by the storm or those in need because the earth shook and feel sorry for them, then flip the channel and get on with our dinner. And is it really fair that we can walk past the homeless man and give him nothing in assumption that he will spend it on booze or worse yet shout at him to “get a job”? I mean, who are we to judge the alcoholic or the prostitute or the addict or the criminal as if we are any better? Who are we to forget the marginalized, or the depressed or the down-trodden as we go on chasing “the dream” that never seems to satisfy?

We can’t help but recognize this imbalance and the reality that our world has never been so prosperous, yet never been so poor and feel sorry but so often that’s all we do. Why? Because doing something more is going to cost us something. And if that’s where it ends then perhaps the only fair thing is to say if we forsake the lives of others, we actually forsake our own.

Reinventing Christmas

There is a counterfeit story that culture is telling us we need to live into. And it’s a story marked by the idea of getting and the belief that if we get what we want we will be happy.

We believe in this culture that by buying and consuming things, life will somehow be right. But it’s just not true. And the reality of this culture and the story we’ve been told is not a new one. Go back to Genesis. It’s the same story. God creates Adam and Eve in perfection with everything they could every need - nakedness and all. Yet what did they want?

More.

Same thing in Numbers. God rescues his children from slavery, and oppression, you name it, and they soon find themselves out in the desert where food is coming from the sky and water from rocks and what do they want…

More.

So we can sit here and point our fingers and call those guys stupid but we are the richest people in the history of the earth and we never cease to obsess over what we do not have. And we believe that when we get “that thing”, it’s going to bring meaning and it doesn’t… because it can’t. They’re empty and meaningless.

And then we wonder why these things never seem to satisfy…

I think the bible makes the reason why clear, we were made for the opposite of consumption. We were made for co-creation with God to fulfill his purposes. Bringing heaven to earth and bringing justice to a world marked by a terrible imbalance.

So forgive me for getting preachy, but my dream is that we can get beyond fake happiness and realize authentic joy in pursuing a Kingdom oriented way of life and begin to consider how a deeper understand of the Gospel could reshape our decision-making in a consumer-driven society.

*****

Now. Truth be told, I was in no way intending to include everything I have so far when I started writing you, but it just happened that way so I’m going with it. The real reason I’m writing is because I think there’s something terribly wrong with how followers of Jesus celebrate Christmas and I have something to ask of you.

*****

Ironically, Christmas time, the time when we are to celebrate the birth of Christ our savior and worship God, is ironically the worst time of the year for us with consumerism. This year, Americans will spend over 450 billion dollars on Christmas gifts. Not to mention that every year we spend 18 billion dollars on makeup. Perfume 15 billion dollars. Pet food 17 billion dollars.

So we take these statistics and then we look at the problems of the world and realize that these things are solvable. It’s estimated that for 5 billion we can solve the problem of universal literacy. For 10 billion we can solve the world water problem, today’s number one killer (20,000 a day). And for 19 billion we could completely illuminate hunger and malnutrition.

(Here’s where all that stuff I didn’t intend to say becomes relevant!)

This Christmas I encourage you to celebrate Christmas a little more and truly worship God by offering your time and presence to others, and spending less so that we can give more. And maybe, just maybe, we’ll come to fully realize that by having nothing to give to each other, we have everything because God is here with us and that my friends, changes everything.

*****

This Christmas I’m only asking for money from those who insist on giving me presents and I’ll be using it to help out my friend Keith. Keith is homeless and can be found most nights on the corner of Oakland and Walnut Street in downtown Pasadena. Fifteen years ago his marriage fell apart and shortly after he lost his job. Not long after, he found himself on the streets. Now ask Keith to tell his story and he’ll give the same story, it’s just that he has this way of making you believe he is “homeless by choice”. So no I’m not calling Keith a liar, because he is in fact homeless by choice, it’s just that was the only choice he had. And as for him likening his homelessness to the “wilderness adventures” that some people go on to find God, it’s merely out of his psychological need to make the best of the situation.

You see, Keith already knew God well before he went out on his “wilderness adventure”. In fact the dude is a super solid follower of Jesus and the majority of his day is spent in the library studying the Scriptures and Christian thought. The only reason he’s somewhat justified in calling it his “wilderness adventure” is because before he found himself homeless, the Gospel really messed him up. In short, he began to recognize that although most of us earnestly desire to follow Jesus, our execution of that desire is distorted because it’s bound up in the materialism of our culture. And this is what makes his homeless experience oh so amazing.

For fifteen years, he’s made it on the street without social security, without food stamps, and with little help from shelters. Keith truly lives out his faith, dependant on God’s daily providence for even the most basic need of life – food. And best of all, Keith not only finds his purpose in ministering to other homeless friends, but more importantly (in his opinion), to those who think their ministering to him.

Keith is an ordinary radical. And it’s weird, but I see Jesus in his eyes, and I find myself learning more through him and his life as we talk it up on the steps of public library late at night than any pastor ever has.

To cut to the chase, Keith has found the understanding he was looking for all along and as you can imagine is ready to get off the streets. For years he’s been finishing his day with a prayer for God to deliver him from the streets (and he tells me this as he teaches me the importance of praying consistently), and without the formal education to land a solid job these days with a paycheck to get him above the poverty threshold he has developed a business plan but needs 500 dollars to get it started. So maybe you get where I’m going with this but as for that money you’ll be saving since you’re spending less this Christmas, maybe you’d want to consider joining me in becoming the answer to his prayer.

(And for those of you who’s first reaction is to say I’m stupid, well I’ve wondered the same. But I also know that 1 Corinthians 1:27 says that God uses the foolish. And I don’t think God will ever tell me it was a waste.)

girls. dating. marriage

Girls. Dating. Marriage.

I’ve taken on a new perspective towards this area of my life. After stumbling on Matthew 19:11-12, I realized for the first time that I don’t have to get married. Obviously I already knew that, but never before had it crossed my mind like it has now. The scripture says that

"Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs (Or one who is celibate. However I have to say I find the imagery held by the other commonly accepted meaning of the word especially entertaining - a castrated man) because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."

So for the first time I realized that the bible says if I can accept a life of celibacy, I need to. Before I've just assumed I will go on to get married because I’ve forever been attracted to women and therefore pursued relationships with them, never stopping to think truly recognize that there is another way than the married life.

Not long after I’m reading in 1 Corinthians and come on 7.32-35 where the apostle Paul says we are to live as free from complications as possible and goes on to explain why - he’s just trying not to make things harder.

Reality is that an unmarried man is free to concern himself with God affairs and free to concentrate on pleasing Him. Whereas the married man has many more demands on his attention, and as I see it, a limited way in which he can serve God with his life. This simple and obvious truth totally resonated within me, especially this idea that God wants us to be as free from concern and complications that remove us from Him.

Collectively, these verses have brought me to this – I desire to live my life with the intent of getting to the point where I am so satisfied in the fulfillment God provides, and so comfortable in who I am, that I can honestly say I will be more than fine if I’m single the rest of my days. Actually reaching that place is so far beyond my imagination right now, but that is my pursuit because I don’t know if I am to get married.

Coming into college after moving out of a relationship I very much so already felt this way, it just wasn’t super clear to me and I didn’t have the language to express it. But I figure the only way to know if I can accept singleness is to give it a chance.

Corinthians 7:27 says that if you are unmarried, “Do not seek a wife.” The annotation I found in the tniv (today's not inspired version) contextualizes this recommendation to the pressing crisis of people he was writing to, in effect to say that "it does not apply to all times and all situations.” Regardless, for some reason I sense an underlying truth applicable to my situation, here and now. So it's in this that I’m saying, “Lord I honestly don’t know If can accept Paul’s words, but I do know that I desire to live in devotion to you, so I’m leaving the marriage thing up to you. I’m pursuing celibacy (so weird to say) because I believe you have my best in mind and should that be marriage I’m choosing to believe you’ll bring a love into my life.”

(Maybe there’s a reason why so many servants of the gospel I admire because of what they did with their lives were single. Like maybe family is one of the most significant barriers to potential risk-takers who would leave everything for the way of the cross...)