Girls. Dating. Marriage.
I’ve taken on a new perspective towards this area of my life. After stumbling on Matthew 19:11-12, I realized for the first time that I don’t have to get married. Obviously I already knew that, but never before had it crossed my mind like it has now. The scripture says that
"Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs (Or one who is celibate. However I have to say I find the imagery held by the other commonly accepted meaning of the word especially entertaining - a castrated man) because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."
So for the first time I realized that the bible says if I can accept a life of celibacy, I need to. Before I've just assumed I will go on to get married because I’ve forever been attracted to women and therefore pursued relationships with them, never stopping to think truly recognize that there is another way than the married life.
Not long after I’m reading in 1 Corinthians and come on 7.32-35 where the apostle Paul says we are to live as free from complications as possible and goes on to explain why - he’s just trying not to make things harder.
Reality is that an unmarried man is free to concern himself with God affairs and free to concentrate on pleasing Him. Whereas the married man has many more demands on his attention, and as I see it, a limited way in which he can serve God with his life. This simple and obvious truth totally resonated within me, especially this idea that God wants us to be as free from concern and complications that remove us from Him.
Collectively, these verses have brought me to this – I desire to live my life with the intent of getting to the point where I am so satisfied in the fulfillment God provides, and so comfortable in who I am, that I can honestly say I will be more than fine if I’m single the rest of my days. Actually reaching that place is so far beyond my imagination right now, but that is my pursuit because I don’t know if I am to get married.
Coming into college after moving out of a relationship I very much so already felt this way, it just wasn’t super clear to me and I didn’t have the language to express it. But I figure the only way to know if I can accept singleness is to give it a chance.
Corinthians 7:27 says that if you are unmarried, “Do not seek a wife.” The annotation I found in the tniv (today's not inspired version) contextualizes this recommendation to the pressing crisis of people he was writing to, in effect to say that "it does not apply to all times and all situations.” Regardless, for some reason I sense an underlying truth applicable to my situation, here and now. So it's in this that I’m saying, “Lord I honestly don’t know If can accept Paul’s words, but I do know that I desire to live in devotion to you, so I’m leaving the marriage thing up to you. I’m pursuing celibacy (so weird to say) because I believe you have my best in mind and should that be marriage I’m choosing to believe you’ll bring a love into my life.”
(Maybe there’s a reason why so many servants of the gospel I admire because of what they did with their lives were single. Like maybe family is one of the most significant barriers to potential risk-takers who would leave everything for the way of the cross...)
Wow Blair, this is very ambitious of you. Odd as it may seem to say, I was not too surprised to hear that this is something you are interested in pursuing. It is evident that your mind is always thinking and dwelling on the things of the Lord, which is very commendable.
ReplyDeleteI was reminded of something one of my professors once said to me a few years back that has ALWAYS stuck with me and I always revert to... and your blog brought it back to mind again. So maybe it will encourage you as it did me.
My professor (Hauge) referred to the parable of the sower and talked about the seed that fell among the thorns. Matthew 13:7 says it like this:
"Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and chocked them."
Fairly simple, but what he pointed out to me was that so many of us interpret the thorns to be the great evils of the world. Blatant sins that pull us away from God and choke out the word and our desire to please him. But in reality, these thorns are often good things. Spouses, family, work, school... the daily grind essentially. Before you know it you are moving to a safer part of town so that your kids will be "safe" and putting in extra hours at work so you can make the mortgage payments on the house... etc, etc. And it is a very subtle movement away from the things of the Lord. Before you know it your mind and heart have become distracted and you are so busy trying to please your spouse, or your boss, or whomever, that you forget your first love.
So if this is what you choose, I support you. I do not feel called to this, but I will always keep this concept it mind so that I can make a consistent intentional effort to never choose the "safe" road in life that distracts me from the concerns of the Lord's heart. But certainly, that would be much easier as a single woman or man. So may the Lord grant you discernment as you walk this road listening to see where he will take you, one way or the other.
My thoughts and prayers are with you Blair. Thanks for being a great example to your peers and provoking honest and honorable thought.